Have you ever felt guilty for telling someone, no? Or have you ever felt like you shouldn’t address an issue as it might offend someone although it is eating you alive?
One thing that I have noticed is that in the Christian culture we have this false idea that we have to overextend ourselves to be kind, not offend anyone, bite our tongue if it may rub someone wrong, and so on. We often forget that saying, no and having boundaries is actually healthy sometimes. Instead, we tend to place ourselves on the backburner as we feel we should always be serving and available to help even if we are struggling physically, emotionally, and spiritually (hello, I am raising my hand high out of guilt).
I have really been working on finding my voice. Growing up, I was always a people pleaser. I didn’t know how to allow myself the space to recharge before agreeing to another service project, or how to express to someone that I didn’t appreciate the way they talked to me and made me feel less than. Some days I would want to hide under my covers to avoid any confrontation or any potential requests that I knew I wouldn’t be able to decline.
Over the past few years, I have been learning how to find my voice. At first, it was me wanting to know how to speak up for myself and not feel like I was being walked all over for being so nicey nice and others knowing I couldn’t say no (where are my fellow people pleasers at?)
But during this year, I have found that it is not my voice I want to be heard. It is God’s voice through me that I want others to hear. I am His vessel. And this means that sometimes I may actually have to bite my tongue if I know my voice is going to create disharmony or tear others down. Other times it may mean that I may offend others because I stand for what God stands for and the world doesn’t like that. In finding my voice, I don’t want it to be about getting in my piece or letting people know exactly how I feel. But rather, I want my voice to bring unity, to speak truth in love, and also share the Gospel without hindrance.
I have had a few uncomfortable conversations where I have stumbled around my words and found myself shaking out of nervousness. This is reality right? Sometimes we have to do it scared.
I am learning that setting up boundaries or sabbath days doesn’t mean I love others less but rather that I am trying to refuel myself or guard my heart in order to love others better. I am also learning that sometimes people will be offended when we stand on God’s Word and against what the world says.
I saw this relateable reel on Instagram the other day of this married couple. The wife was sitting down and stressing over what others may say about her. The husband was behind her saying, “stop caring what they think. Stop thinking they care.”
I feel like this reel is all too accurate. Especially for Christian women. We are constantly overthinking our words or actions and how they will be perceived by others. Even when some may not think twice about what we have to say. We want to play nice and never upset anyone.
But this is not how Christ lived. Jesus said the hard things. He spoke truth in love. He addressed sins, casted out demons, and called people higher. He even offended people along the way.
You see, we can love and serve and still set up our own boundaries. We can disagree with people and have those hard conversations but still love that person dearly. We don’t have to choose one or the other. We don’t have to strive to be a nicey nice person on the outside while we are screaming for a break on the inside. We also do not have to tiptoe around Scripture in order to appease others. We can knock down this false idea that being a Christian means we have to play nice with everyone as we aim to please Jesus more than the world and ask for the Spirit to give us words when we can’t find them.
Journey to Dominican 