Tag: healing

Tough Skin and Tender Hearts: Bye Bye Bitterness

My first couple years in the Dominican Republic were really lonely. I was sort of thrown in to work and the culture while left to figure a lot out on my own. There is a whole lot that happened during these years that God has been healing me from even years later.

After my husband and I left this ministry, we felt really discouraged and hurt. I am such a relational person, and those years took a toll on me. So, I began to shut people out, and I allowed resentment to take root in my heart. 

I craved depth and connection, yet I would unconsciously push people out because I was so wounded. It wasn’t until I was stuck in the United States for 3 months waiting on a visa, thousands of miles away from my new husband (at the time), that the Holy Spirit spoke directly to me and called me out. He showed me that I was stuck in a cycle of unforgiveness, and I had to break that cycle and forgive in order to experience freedom and depth again. I spent so much time on the cold, wooden floor of the house I grew up in crying out to God to help me. I had no idea where to start in my journey of forgiving. Little by little, year by year (yes, it has taken many years–and He is still working on me!), the Holy Spirit started to soften my heart and show me how to love those I felt had hurt me. 

I have been reflecting a lot on all my years here, and how far the Lord has brought me. Seriously, it is only by His hand and His mercy that I am who I am and where I am today. 

Over the past year and a half, God has given me a tender heart to love and to receive love again. I have even seen Him use the things that my husband and I have gone through to help me have more compassion on others and be able to better relate to them. Pain can either make you more bitter, or it can make you more compassionate. We get to choose what kind of person we want to be.

 My husband and I have an INCREDIBLE church family who has come around us in some really difficult moments. We have found fellowship with others who are after the same things of Christ as we are. God has surrounded us with coworkers who have poured into us and have been so generous with us as we step into this new season of welcoming our sweet, baby boy into the world. I am in awe of the Lord and the work He has done in both my heart and my husband’s. 

It is an everyday choice to forgive. I ask the Lord to guard our hearts from unforgiveness. It is breeding ground for the enemy, friends. I pray often that God gives us thick skin and tender hearts. We do not have to carry everything people do or say to us, but we do need to love and demonstrate grace. God will take care of the rest. 

I think about bringing our son into the world and the things that I want to teach him. I want our boy to know that we must always be quick to forgive and never harbor hurt feelings. It is something I must continue to work on, so that I can train him well! 

If I have learned anything over these years, it is that relationships and connection are worth it. We were made for community. And the enemy loves to isolate us. BUT we have the ability to recognize his schemes, and the Holy Spirit gives us the authority to shut him down and say bye bye to bitterness. 

Eyes on Jesus: My SCH Experience

I have gone back and forth so much on if I want to share this as it seems  personal and could be triggering for some women. Yet, as I was walking through this, I was searching for encouragement or miracle stories, and I couldn’t  find any. Some say that hematomas in pregnancy are very common, yet it doesn’t seem to be something that many talk about.  In sharing my experience, I pray it can bring hope to other women who may be walking through the same thing. 

For the past year I have been longing to be a momma. I prayed so much over my womb, I prayed over our future children’s lives that they would hunger and thirst for righteousness, over my pregnancy and delivery, I even prayed that I wouldn’t have horrible morning sickness. This summer my sister asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I told her I wanted a baby. 

When we found out we were pregnant in September, I could hardly believe it! I was feeling a mix of, “Whoa Lord, thank you!” and “Is this really happening?!” 

I had some nausea and food aversions, but other than that, my symptoms were pretty manageable and I was able to keep moving my body as normal. Then around week 5 I started spotting off and on. After the spotting had turned to bleeding at week 9, we took a visit to the emergency room, where I was informed that I had a subchorionic hematoma (SCH) and was at risk of losing our baby.

I remember lying there in the emergency room bed with my anxious heart beating faster than ever as the doctor started my sonogram. When the doctor said, “There is your baby. Your baby is fine and healthy today.” She kept repeating, “today,” as if something may happen the next day. But I chose to ignore it.  I started to cry and said, “Thank you Lord. I prayed so much.” She paused for a second and said, “He heard your prayers.” 

As the doctor explained to me the risks that come with a SCH, she handed me my bloodwork results and sonogram pictures. When I looked down to see the words, “amenaza de aborto” (which translates to risk of miscarriage), I had to fight back the fear of what could happen. I told myself, Eyes on Jesus. Keep your eyes up.

I was given work release and put on bed rest for 10 days. I was so relieved to know what was causing the bleeding so that I knew how to specifically pray. 

Proverbs 18:21 kept coming to my mind. It says that life and death are in the power of the tongue. I, of course, took the doctor’s advice and rested. But I also decided that I wouldn’t accept or dwell on the negative things that could happen to our baby. Instead, I kept my eyes on Jesus who is the ultimate healer and sustainer of life. I anointed my belly with oil and chose to speak life over myself and our little baby. 

I strongly believe that the Lord has given us authority. In fact, Proverbs 18:21 tells us that our tongues have authority. So I told that hematoma that it had to go and it was not welcome back in this pregnancy or in any future pregnancies.

Alan and I went to my next check up to hear the doctor explain that he couldn’t find the hematoma and it must be resolved. PRAISE THE LORD! 

I am now a little over 16 weeks pregnant. We just found out that we are going to have a little boy, and he is extremely healthy and active already. I just praise the Lord for his little life, and I pray that his life and story will draw others to Christ. 

God is good, people. He is too good. We must always keep our eyes on Him.