Tag: offended

Worn

Isolated

Offended

Resentful

 Desire to fit in or to dig deep with others, but have been wounded so many times you aren’t willing to take the risk and put yourself out there. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Well friend, me too. I know these feelings all too well. 

The last couple of years have been really hard for my husband and me. Instead of letting things roll off my shoulders and getting gritty, I chose to sit and sulk in my frustration and unforgiveness. My heart was hurt a lot which caused me to shut the door on many and put up defensive walls to make me feel “secure.” Little did I know that I was not protecting myself but rather harming myself even more. 

I soon began to recognize how ugly my heart had gotten, but I honestly had no idea where to even begin to produce change. I would pray, I would invite the Holy Spirit to come and transform my heart and mind and show me how to start the road to healing and forgiveness. Some days I would feel less bitter and want to engage with others, but then the next day I would be back to the same old struggling me. 

It wasn’t until the last few months of 2021 that I started to really notice my heart shifting from the victim’s poor me mindset to seeing that I was not a victim and that forgiveness was absolutely necessary.

I want to share with you some truths that God has revealed to me and things I have worked on as the Lord has been softening the edges of my wounded heart. I pray that these truths can help bring healing to you and your heart as they have done to mine.

-An unforgiving heart is an entryway for the enemy. Think about it. The enemy wants nothing more than for you to feel isolated, divided from those around you, and far from God. He is the prince of deception and division. We cannot let the enemy have a foothold on us. 

–Letting bitterness reside in our hearts is like imprisonment. We are not getting back at those who hurt us, but instead hurting ourselves more and more. Sometimes we linger on what someone did without them even recognizing that they allowed us such pain. I have been there, I have done this over and over again. But I am learning that we will feel so liberated when we take that pain, place it at Jesus’ feet, and allow the Holy Spirit to restore what has been lost. Now, this is not a one and done but rather a long process. Healing and feeling whole again after such a major disappointment will take time and an open heart. One of the first steps in ripping the chains of bitterness off is to not wallow in the pain or play victim, but to step forth and forgive not just with our words but with our hearts.  

-I really like to pretend that I am strong. Even when I am battling depression or ugly thoughts of anger. I would rather put up all my defensive walls and play it cool than spill my guts on the truth of how I am really doing. I have always thought that this type of coping mechanism was to protect me, but I believe it was actually harming me. Allowing myself to be stuck in this bubble of faking it until I make it has caused even more pain and isolation. Guys, we were made for community. God has created us to do life with one another. We are to share in each other’s suffering and rejoice in each other’s wins. We are to strive to live in harmony with those around us. This is what the Word of God says. For so long, the door to my wounded heart was closed off so others had no way to enter. But here is the catch– I so badly longed for community and to go deep with others. I always have. I started to realize how much my “protective” walls were not so much protective as they were harmful. I want to emphasize something here, I, on my own, could never shatter these hardened walls around my heart. I had to go to the Father and ask for His help. He began to transform my mind in the way I saw others and to break down each hard wall little by little. Now I am finally finding the depth and doing life with others that I have craved for so long. We were not made to walk this life alone.

–Build up those that have torn you down. Now this is NOT an easy thing to do. Sometimes people just are not nice, period. That is life, and we cannot control it. But the thing that we have control over is our response. One thing I always tell my husband is, “kill them with kindness.” We have had some frustrating situations, and even though I sometimes want to lash back, God’s Word convicts me. As my mind is screaming, “just do to them what they did to you!” my heart of faith fights back saying, “no, you know what God calls you to do.” I am always telling Alan that we are going to be who we are no matter what others do or say. We have to be true to who God has designed us to be and overcome evil with good. 

Here is a simple example of what my husband and I try to do to put this into practice… When we see those who we feel have wronged us, it would be so easy to retreat, reflect on all the horrible things, and maybe even roll our eyes at that person as they walk by. But INSTEAD, we greet that person. We stop, we smile, we ask how they are and linger for a second. We pray for these people. The Bible says pray for your enemies. Not that we have enemies because I feel that is such a strong word, but we pray for those who we have been hurt by whether they did it intentionally or not. As we pray, even simple prayers, our hearts and lens towards them start to shift. It is a work that the Lord does in our heart as we take people to Him in prayer. 

We must be people who pursue peace, and let Jesus be our vindicator. 

There is so much more that I would love to sit and chat with you about regarding the chains of bitterness. We could swap stories and hold each other accountable as we seek to be peacemakers and forgive with our hearts. These little nuggets have really transformed my mind, helped to break down my hardened heart, and showed me how I can love more like Jesus. I pray that you find these things helpful and encouraging as you too aim to break the chains of bitterness in your life and walk wholly as God designed you to.