Tag: Learning Humility

Three Years and Counting

Approximately three years and two months ago I made the move that would change my life forever. After stuffing all I owned into a few suitcases, I started my journey here to the Dominican Republic. I cannot even begin to try to explain all that has happened around me and in me these past couple of years. Some months have felt like I was on a never ending roller coaster of happy and crappy. To put it shortly, these last three years have been the most thrilling, stretching, humbling, and growing years of my life. 

I love looking back and remembering all that the Lord has done. How He answered my wildest prayer three years ago to let me be a piece of His work here, how He has been my Defender in some really low seasons, and how He has breathed Truth into my heart. So, in honor of celebrating all that Jesus has done, here is a list of the things that I have been tucking away and learning over these years.

  • BE TEACHABLE. When you pick yourself up and move to another country or culture, you have to learn to be teachable. To be blunt, the superior mindset is just ugly, guys. Humility is key. We have so much to learn from our brothers and sisters all over the globe. Not only that, but we have so much to learn in life in general. And sometimes I find that the more I know, the more I have to learn. We have to be lifelong learners.
  • BE DISCERNING. Being a gringa in a latino culture can be hard sometimes. I have been taken advantage of many times, and it has been really hard for me as I try to see the best in people. I have learned that I really have to trust the Lord and ask Him for discernment in some situations.  
  • TIME IS A BEAUTIFUL GIFT. Why in the world do we rush it and our sweet time with others? People here often joke about Dominican time and how people just kind of show up whenever they want. And I will be real with you, this drove me crazy at the beginning. But I have come to appreciate this slower pace, unhurried lifestyle. 
  • SIMPLE LIVING IS FULFILLING. I have never really been a things person. I like food, my fat pants, my journals, and some sentimental letters or pictures. When people come here on missions trips, you often hear them sharing, “Wow the people we met today are just so full of joy, and they don’t have anything!” In fact, I think I may have said this on my first trip here. But the truth is that having a full house or full closet will never bring us joy. Jesus, relationships, and time are the things that will fill us. These are the things that matter most.
  • RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORTH IT. This one is sort of two fold. 
    • These past couple years have been extremely hard for me relationally. I have felt burned by some here and in the states, and it took me so long to root out that bitterness and open myself to love others without expectations again. In fact, I am still working on this. The thing is that God designed us for community. We are to be who He has created us to be whether or not others respond the same. So for me, the Lord made me to love so deeply, and that’s what I am going to do whether others reciprocate it or not.
    • So there have been times at church or in general where I feel almost excluded from other Dominican women. I see them greet each other or chat it up, and I sometimes wonder why they don’t initiate conversation with me as much. Especially for those I have felt I have connected with in the past and then next time I see them it is like they don’t recognize me. I shared this with my husband and a few Dominican friends who said Dominicans are intimidated by Americans. They don’t always know how to strike up a conversation.  And part of this broke my heart because I wish people wouldn’t see me as the gringa but just as a person who is equal to them and wants to run life beside them. And the other part of me wanted to laugh because I am often intimidated by Dominicans and speaking my second language where I often brain fart then am embarrassed. So I have come to learn that we are all humans doing the best we can, all wrestling with our own insecurities or battles…so why not pursue friendship and wrestle together?
  • ONLY JESUS SATISFIES. When I was younger, I always thought, oh yeah when I find my person then everything will be great. And now I have my person, and we both say, “oh yeah when we get this car, or this job, or yada yada…everything will be better.” If we are constantly stuck in this mindset, we will never be fulfilled. We will just always be waiting on the next. Jesus and Jesus alone is the One that meets our every need, every desire, everything. He is our everything. And when our hope is in Him and our minds are set on things above, then we aren’t always striving for the next because we are confident that we are whole and complete in Him.
  • LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. I am the type of person who gets embarrassed really easily. Now transitioning from where you grew up into learning how to be an adult in another country results in a lot of embarrassing moments. For example, I cannot tell you how many times I have butchered words in Spanish and been laughed at. Adjusting to a new culture in general is hard, but then doing so in your second language makes it all the more tricky. In my journey to learning Spanish, I am also learning humility and that I do not have to be perfect or embarrassed. I just have to try. And if I say something totally out of whack, that’s how I will learn. I have to roll with it and laugh it off. 
  • JESUS DID HARD SO I CAN DO HARD. Now I have written about this before, but literally guys this is like my life motto. Growing up, momma Linda always said to me, “we can do hard.” When I was stuck in the U.S. for months without my hubby, I read and clung to God’s Word. Jesus did not have an easy time here on earth. It was quite the opposite actually. He was rejected by many, judged, questioned, tried, and had the most gruesome death that He didn’t deserve. But He never wavered in His faith. He was rooted and trusted the Father’s will. And He is my hero. I want to be like my Jesus. So as I aim to be more like Christ, I am reminded that He remained in the hard and so can I.
  • WE CAN PRODUCE FRUIT EVEN THROUGH THE DRIEST SEASONS. We all experience dry seasons in our faith walk. Being a disciple of Christ does not mean everything will always be fine and dandy. But even in the driest seasons where we feel like we are withering away, beautiful fruit can be produced. When we are staying rooted in Jesus and persevering in the faith, He will use these valley seasons to prune and refine us so we can bear more fruit. But we MUST remain in Him. Apart from Him, we cannot produce fruit. 
  • UNFORGIVENESS=IMPRISONMENT. Think about it, if we let bitterness take root in our hearts, we are held captive to it. Holding onto unforgiveness keeps us from doing life with others and from living wholly like God created us for. 

You guys, I wish that we could just drink some coffee together and sit and linger talking about all the things that God has been teaching us. Maybe someday we will. 

I am so thankful for the truths and lessons that God has been teaching me over the past couple of years. I am eager to see what He continues to teach me for all the years to come.

It’s More Than Just Learning A Language

This last Saturday I got to lead a devotional for our youth group. Now, I have led things in Spanish before, and I have been so utterly nervous I could barely get out the words. But those were lessons already prepared. This time, I had to write my own devotional in my second language and then also share it in front of a group. 

When I was first asked to lead the devotional, I sort of freezed at first. Speaking in front of groups is NOT my gifting. I had to do it for fundraising to move here, then my job as a missionary consisted of a lot of public speaking/leading groups. Every time I would have to go on stage and pray or speak, I would have to calmly speak peace over my mind and belly. I can lead, and I can lead well. But boy, I don’t know if I will ever get over this fear. 

Okay, so back to this past Saturday. The lesson went really well. There were some words that I definitely butchered, but I felt that it was relatable and well received by the young ladies who sat before me. However, that didn’t stop my heart from feeling like it was about to beat out of my throat (as the youth say nowadays, “IYKYK” if you know you know). Now being the lover of creating things that I am, I made these cute little book marks for each girl to take home and remember the truths of who they are in Christ. Then I continued to converse with some of the girls before we all smashed into a little car (Dominican style) and headed for the church. 

Later in the car ride home, I started thinking about my journey of learning Spanish. It is a journey that I am clearly still on as I have so much to learn still. There are days where I put myself out there and feel so confident that I am communicating things effectively and also understanding things well. Then there are other days where I feel like my brain knows exactly what to say and in the right form, but my mouth cannot seem to get on the same page as my brain. Sometimes I need corrections, and corrections are not always easy to receive. Like many, I am one that does not like to be called out. I get embarrassed really easily, and also I take things personally that maybe shouldn’t be taken so personally (for example, being corrected on my poor sentence structure). 

For me, learning Spanish has been a journey to learning humility as well. I am learning to humbly admit that I do not know everything.

– I do not know every tense, word, or form.

– I do not know all the Dominican slang words. There are days where I just nod my head in agreement or say, “okey” in my very gringa Dominican accent because the person talking to me is saying about 350 words per minute with a mix of Dominican slang, and I cannot keep up.

– Sometimes I will be asked to translate and just continually scrunch my nose up (this is something Dominicans do to indicate, “repeat” when they do not hear or understand something).

– Some days I may be called out for my improper grammar, and I may get a little embarrassed.

These things are growing me not just as a gringa who lives in the Dominican and wants to be better at her Spanish, but also as a person. 

I have such a long list of reasons why I want to improve my Spanish speaking. From it being my husband’s first language and wanting to know his background and culture more to doing life with those around me and entering into their world more, I will not stop learning and growing no matter how embarrassed I may get. Or I guess no matter how much it may hurt my ego to be told that I am wrong when I have worked so hard on being better. 

Learning Spanish to me is not just about learning a language. It is so much more than just learning a language. It is learning humility, being able to live and relate and go deep with those around me, understanding my husband and this culture better, and growing as an individual through every triumph or mistake that this learning journey may bring.