trusting god – Journey to Dominican

Heart in two countries

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write! My husband and I welcomed our son, Andrés Mikkel, into the world almost 8 months ago. Between being a full time mami and all the other curve balls life throws, I haven’t found the time to sit and write out what has been on my heart.

I started this blog to share my journey here to the Dominican. It hasn’t turned out quite the way I expected. It has been one of the wildest, refining, yet most amazing journeys. Even through the tough moments, I would choose it all over again because it’s shaped who I am today. And through it all, God has given me the most precious gifts—my Alan and my Andrés.

My heart has really felt torn between the states and here lately. The Dominican has been my dream since my first trip in 2016. God really broke my heart and opened my eyes on this trip, and when I went back to the states, I felt homesick for the Dominican. Now after 6 years of living in the DR, and never knowing the next time I will see my family, I am praying that the Lord will provide a way for my husband to be able to travel to the states.

For those of you have followed along, you know that the road has been long and we have fought really hard do everything the right way, the way that is pleasing in the Lord’s eyes. I have found myself at another place of surrender. I am re-learning how to release control and watch the Lord’s hand orchestrate a miracle for us, just like I did with my Dominican residency.

Matthew 6:25-34 has been the most encouraging passage to me in this season. The Lord fills the birds’ bellies, and they don’t even work for it. He clothes the flowers of the field who are here today and gone tomorrow. How much more will He take care of us? He knows our every need even BEFORE we take it to Him in prayer. Over and over it says, “do not worry!” But instead, we seek first His kingdom and righteous and all these things will be added to us.

One thing that has given me so much comfort is that God foresaw everything that we have been through and everything we will go through even before Alan and I met. The Lord has intertwined our stories knowing that we would come from different countries resulting in lots of paperwork and hoops we’d have to jump through to be together. And He knew exactly what we would need to jump through those hoops. This has given me so much peace. He is the author of our story, and He will supply all we need to do what is honoring in His eyes.

It’s crazy how my journey has come full circle. It isn’t easy having your heart in two countries. And yet, it is so beautiful to get to love people so deeply from each country that it hurts to be away from them. I’m eager to see (and share!) the next chapters of the story that God is writing.

Weaknesses And All

Have you ever caught yourself offering God excuses over responding out of obedience? There have been numerous times where I have felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to do something, but I immediately tried to justify why I wouldn’t be the right person for the job.

I think a lot of our excuses are rooted out of our comfortability or our insecurities. We seek to avoid awkward or difficult situations. We rather stay in our comfort zone than step out in submission to what God wants us to do. It is a struggle with the flesh, am I right?

I am sure that you have heard the saying, “God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.’ This is something I hear ALL the time in the Christian community. And I believe it fits perfectly with what I am talking about.

There is a passage in the Bible that I recently reread and it left me feeling a little convicted. It is a story I am sure many are familiar with…that is the story of Moses.

Moses was born Hebrew but raised by Pharaoh’s daughter. I just imagine the tug Moses must have felt as he was raised in an Egyptian household but was Hebrew by blood. After killing an Egyptian and fleeing to Midian, God later spoke to Moses through a burning bush. Can you imagine being in the presence of the Most High, and Him directly speaking to you? It was there that God told Moses how He saw the oppression of the Israelites under the Egyptians, and He called Moses to rescue them.

What did Moses say in response? He questioned God. “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11) Moses went back and forth with the Lord for a little while until he finally told God, “Look I am not an eloquent speaker.” As if God didn’t already know this.

I LOVE God’s response to Moses.

“Who created your mouth? Who gave you a tongue to speak?” (Exodus 4)

This got me thinking…how many times do we make excuses to the One who CREATED us and knows us better than we know ourselves? He designed us and knows our weaknesses and what areas we lack in. Yet He still wants to use us and all of our imperfections to grow His Kingdom or set the captives free. And He will be magnified through our inabilities.

God used Moses–timidness, excuses, and all– to bring the Israelites into the promiseland and free them from the hand of the Egyptians.

Now I ask you…what is it that is holding you back from being fully obedient to the Holy Spirit is calling you to do? Do you feel insufficient, uncomfortable, maybe afraid?

Remember that the One who knit you together and knew your name before you were born is the same One who desires to use you. It doesn’t matter if you feel unequipped or inadequate, God can and wants to use it all!

I’ve Already Prayed About It

I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed about something heavy on my heart, and then not even 24 hours later I start worrying about that same thing again.

It is just a normal human struggle. We pray and say that we trust the Lord, and yet we also crave to be in control and know how things will play out.

It has been such a whirlwind for my husband and I since fall last year. After years of waiting and working hard to obtain my husband’s U.S. visa, the U.S. embassy denied him the visa without even giving him 5 minutes. It was something we had worked so hard for, and we had prayed over sooo much. After being married for 3 years, doing everything lawyers and governments recommend and require just for us to be together, we were denied the chance to travel together. It just didn’t make sense. It was a big blow to say the least.

Less than a month later we found out we were pregnant. But then we got hit with the news of me having a hematoma and being at high risk of miscarriage. I was convinced I was losing our baby. But I pleaded with the Lord for our baby’s little life and to dry up the hematoma. Once I recovered and all of my sonograms came back hematoma free, we had a death in the family.

Oh, we had really cried out to God for this family member, begging the Lord to bring complete restoration and do what seemed impossible. We prayed that He would move in such a mighty way and use it to bring salvation to family members who do not know Him. We had different churches and prayer warriors fighting on their knees with us too. Then, the family member suddenly passed away. We were so sure that God was going to touch his body and bring healing.

Then we got smacked with some financial blows soon after. It has been such a crazy, almost heavy season for us where we have done nothing but run to the Lord in prayer and ask him to move on our behalf and our loved ones’ behalfs. And yet, God hasn’t always answered in the way we would have hoped.

Life is full of celebrations and struggles. How we respond to the trials matters. We can choose to fall into the victim or negative mentality, or we can tackle trials with a positive attitude knowing that Christ always brings us to the other side.

My husband and I have played victim more times than I would like to admit. It is quite honestly embarrassing. In this new season of life, even with all of its hardships, I am choosing to stay positive. My new motto is, “I have already prayed about it, so I am not going to stress.”

I am retraining my mind to not dwell on things that are out of my control, but place them in the hands of the One who holds all the control.

Now, with this I have come to recognize that the Lord may not always answer my prayers in the way that I would hope or expect. BUT–here is the big but– I find a sense of peace knowing that He is sovereign and He will work each thing out for the good of those who love Him. I can trust Him. He is a good Father, even if He tells me no.

I know that there are a lot of BIG changes ahead for our growing family. Some of these changes will come with new responsibilities and bumps in the road. But I will not fear because I have already prayed–and will continue to pray for our family each step of the way. I will rest in the Lord and know that He is working tirelessly behind the scenes for us. He is a good Father, worthy of all of our trust. We can release full control to Him.