This last Saturday I got to lead a devotional for our youth group. Now, I have led things in Spanish before, and I have been so utterly nervous I could barely get out the words. But those were lessons already prepared. This time, I had to write my own devotional in my second language and then also share it in front of a group.
When I was first asked to lead the devotional, I sort of freezed at first. Speaking in front of groups is NOT my gifting. I had to do it for fundraising to move here, then my job as a missionary consisted of a lot of public speaking/leading groups. Every time I would have to go on stage and pray or speak, I would have to calmly speak peace over my mind and belly. I can lead, and I can lead well. But boy, I don’t know if I will ever get over this fear.
Okay, so back to this past Saturday. The lesson went really well. There were some words that I definitely butchered, but I felt that it was relatable and well received by the young ladies who sat before me. However, that didn’t stop my heart from feeling like it was about to beat out of my throat (as the youth say nowadays, “IYKYK” if you know you know). Now being the lover of creating things that I am, I made these cute little book marks for each girl to take home and remember the truths of who they are in Christ. Then I continued to converse with some of the girls before we all smashed into a little car (Dominican style) and headed for the church.
Later in the car ride home, I started thinking about my journey of learning Spanish. It is a journey that I am clearly still on as I have so much to learn still. There are days where I put myself out there and feel so confident that I am communicating things effectively and also understanding things well. Then there are other days where I feel like my brain knows exactly what to say and in the right form, but my mouth cannot seem to get on the same page as my brain. Sometimes I need corrections, and corrections are not always easy to receive. Like many, I am one that does not like to be called out. I get embarrassed really easily, and also I take things personally that maybe shouldn’t be taken so personally (for example, being corrected on my poor sentence structure).
For me, learning Spanish has been a journey to learning humility as well. I am learning to humbly admit that I do not know everything.
– I do not know every tense, word, or form.
– I do not know all the Dominican slang words. There are days where I just nod my head in agreement or say, “okey” in my very gringa Dominican accent because the person talking to me is saying about 350 words per minute with a mix of Dominican slang, and I cannot keep up.
– Sometimes I will be asked to translate and just continually scrunch my nose up (this is something Dominicans do to indicate, “repeat” when they do not hear or understand something).
– Some days I may be called out for my improper grammar, and I may get a little embarrassed.
These things are growing me not just as a gringa who lives in the Dominican and wants to be better at her Spanish, but also as a person.
I have such a long list of reasons why I want to improve my Spanish speaking. From it being my husband’s first language and wanting to know his background and culture more to doing life with those around me and entering into their world more, I will not stop learning and growing no matter how embarrassed I may get. Or I guess no matter how much it may hurt my ego to be told that I am wrong when I have worked so hard on being better.
Learning Spanish to me is not just about learning a language. It is so much more than just learning a language. It is learning humility, being able to live and relate and go deep with those around me, understanding my husband and this culture better, and growing as an individual through every triumph or mistake that this learning journey may bring.
Journey to Dominican 