Images

The Devil Is A Liar

Ever since I was a little girl I have wrestled with my self worth. I have believed the lies of the enemy as I have fought feelings of being overlooked, the one who is behind the rest, or the last one chosen. When I was a teen, I was convinced  that I would gain confidence as I became an adult. I also  figured that I would no longer wrestle with these lies or my identity once I met my husband. That is what a lot of young girls think, right? We think that when we find our prince charming everything will be great, we will have the confidence we have always lacked, and we will live happily ever after. 

Unfortunately, that is just not how it works. I am an adult, doing all the adult-like things, I have the man of my prayers, and YET I still struggle to shut out the lies the enemy tries to feed me. Unpopular to what we think as little girls, confidence cannot come from age or having a partner standing by our side. Our self worth has to come from the one and only Jesus Christ. 

Maybe you are like me and have always struggled to feel like you have tu gente (your people). You have bounced around and been a friend to everyone but you don’t have that one friend or group that you just click with and can be you with. Perhaps you have felt like you are one step behind each of your friends who are dating, getting married, having babies, or getting that promotion you desperately wanted. It could be that you have felt overlooked, rejected, misunderstood, or unheard. You could also be feeling wounded from hurtful comments that others have spoken over you to tear you down. Believe me sister, I have wrestled with each one of these feelings and continue to wrestle to this day. I have found that the more I fixate on these feelings and allow them to consume me, the more isolated I feel. Which, hello, that is the enemy’s goal, isn’t it? He is the price of division and deception. He wants nothing more than for us to feel secluded and sulk in our not enough-ness which leads us to feeling separated from Christ and others. 

The truth is that we all fight these feelings. Humans desire to be known, be seen, and be heard. These are innate desires within each of us. The catch is that as we allow ourselves to linger on these thoughts of not being enough, they just continue to brew and spiral out of control. At this point, we have allowed a foothold for the enemy. Then we are no longer able to believe the truth of who we are in Christ because our minds are fixed on these thoughts which cloud our perspective. 

But I want to speak truth over you today and tear down the lies that Satan tries to whisper into your ear.  

With Jesus:

-you are enough. Christ died on the cross for YOU. He desires an intimate relationship with YOU. 

–you are seen and never overlooked. In fact, you are desired and treasured.

–you are heard. Jesus wants to hear whatever is on your heart from your deepest darkest secrets to your passions or disappointments. And you know the really cool thing about God? He already knows exactly what is on your mind and heart, but He is such an intentional and relational God that he STILL wants to hear those things from our lips. 

–you were created with purpose. You know all those dreams or gifts that God has placed in you that you may be hesitant to share for fear of rejection? He wants to use those things for His kingdom and to watch you flourish. 

Friends, you are precious, chosen, delighted in, and never alone. I pray that Jesus gives us discernment to recognize the source of our thoughts. As we are able to retrain our thinking, we can flush out the lies of the enemy and walk in truth.

One practical thing that I have been doing is this… as a thought starts to creep into my mind, I recognize if it is from the prince of confusion and division or the Prince of peace and unity. I do this before I let the thought take root. Another thing you can do is drown out the lies with the truth of who the Lord says you are.

I want to encourage you today to take each thought captive. Recognize the source, and remind the enemy that he is a liar who has no power over your thoughts. Ask the Lord to renew in you a sound mind and to remind you of who He says you are in Him. When you are able to receive the truth of who Christ says you are you will be able to live freely and wholly as He has designed you to. The devil is a liar, let’s fight back and remind him of where his place is. 

Chains of Bitterness

Worn

Isolated

Offended

Resentful

 Desire to fit in or to dig deep with others, but have been wounded so many times you aren’t willing to take the risk and put yourself out there. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Well friend, me too. I know these feelings all too well. 

The last couple of years have been really hard for my husband and me. Instead of letting things roll off my shoulders and getting gritty, I chose to sit and sulk in my frustration and unforgiveness. My heart was hurt a lot which caused me to shut the door on many and put up defensive walls to make me feel “secure.” Little did I know that I was not protecting myself but rather harming myself even more. 

I soon began to recognize how ugly my heart had gotten, but I honestly had no idea where to even begin to produce change. I would pray, I would invite the Holy Spirit to come and transform my heart and mind and show me how to start the road to healing and forgiveness. Some days I would feel less bitter and want to engage with others, but then the next day I would be back to the same old struggling me. 

It wasn’t until the last few months of 2021 that I started to really notice my heart shifting from the victim’s poor me mindset to seeing that I was not a victim and that forgiveness was absolutely necessary.

I want to share with you some truths that God has revealed to me and things I have worked on as the Lord has been softening the edges of my wounded heart. I pray that these truths can help bring healing to you and your heart as they have done to mine.

-An unforgiving heart is an entryway for the enemy. Think about it. The enemy wants nothing more than for you to feel isolated, divided from those around you, and far from God. He is the prince of deception and division. We cannot let the enemy have a foothold on us. 

–Letting bitterness reside in our hearts is like imprisonment. We are not getting back at those who hurt us, but instead hurting ourselves more and more. Sometimes we linger on what someone did without them even recognizing that they allowed us such pain. I have been there, I have done this over and over again. But I am learning that we will feel so liberated when we take that pain, place it at Jesus’ feet, and allow the Holy Spirit to restore what has been lost. Now, this is not a one and done but rather a long process. Healing and feeling whole again after such a major disappointment will take time and an open heart. One of the first steps in ripping the chains of bitterness off is to not wallow in the pain or play victim, but to step forth and forgive not just with our words but with our hearts.  

-I really like to pretend that I am strong. Even when I am battling depression or ugly thoughts of anger. I would rather put up all my defensive walls and play it cool than spill my guts on the truth of how I am really doing. I have always thought that this type of coping mechanism was to protect me, but I believe it was actually harming me. Allowing myself to be stuck in this bubble of faking it until I make it has caused even more pain and isolation. Guys, we were made for community. God has created us to do life with one another. We are to share in each other’s suffering and rejoice in each other’s wins. We are to strive to live in harmony with those around us. This is what the Word of God says. For so long, the door to my wounded heart was closed off so others had no way to enter. But here is the catch– I so badly longed for community and to go deep with others. I always have. I started to realize how much my “protective” walls were not so much protective as they were harmful. I want to emphasize something here, I, on my own, could never shatter these hardened walls around my heart. I had to go to the Father and ask for His help. He began to transform my mind in the way I saw others and to break down each hard wall little by little. Now I am finally finding the depth and doing life with others that I have craved for so long. We were not made to walk this life alone.

–Build up those that have torn you down. Now this is NOT an easy thing to do. Sometimes people just are not nice, period. That is life, and we cannot control it. But the thing that we have control over is our response. One thing I always tell my husband is, “kill them with kindness.” We have had some frustrating situations, and even though I sometimes want to lash back, God’s Word convicts me. As my mind is screaming, “just do to them what they did to you!” my heart of faith fights back saying, “no, you know what God calls you to do.” I am always telling Alan that we are going to be who we are no matter what others do or say. We have to be true to who God has designed us to be and overcome evil with good. 

Here is a simple example of what my husband and I try to do to put this into practice… When we see those who we feel have wronged us, it would be so easy to retreat, reflect on all the horrible things, and maybe even roll our eyes at that person as they walk by. But INSTEAD, we greet that person. We stop, we smile, we ask how they are and linger for a second. We pray for these people. The Bible says pray for your enemies. Not that we have enemies because I feel that is such a strong word, but we pray for those who we have been hurt by whether they did it intentionally or not. As we pray, even simple prayers, our hearts and lens towards them start to shift. It is a work that the Lord does in our heart as we take people to Him in prayer. 

We must be people who pursue peace, and let Jesus be our vindicator. 

There is so much more that I would love to sit and chat with you about regarding the chains of bitterness. We could swap stories and hold each other accountable as we seek to be peacemakers and forgive with our hearts. These little nuggets have really transformed my mind, helped to break down my hardened heart, and showed me how I can love more like Jesus. I pray that you find these things helpful and encouraging as you too aim to break the chains of bitterness in your life and walk wholly as God designed you to. 

Three Years and Counting

Approximately three years and two months ago I made the move that would change my life forever. After stuffing all I owned into a few suitcases, I started my journey here to the Dominican Republic. I cannot even begin to try to explain all that has happened around me and in me these past couple of years. Some months have felt like I was on a never ending roller coaster of happy and crappy. To put it shortly, these last three years have been the most thrilling, stretching, humbling, and growing years of my life. 

I love looking back and remembering all that the Lord has done. How He answered my wildest prayer three years ago to let me be a piece of His work here, how He has been my Defender in some really low seasons, and how He has breathed Truth into my heart. So, in honor of celebrating all that Jesus has done, here is a list of the things that I have been tucking away and learning over these years.

  • BE TEACHABLE. When you pick yourself up and move to another country or culture, you have to learn to be teachable. To be blunt, the superior mindset is just ugly, guys. Humility is key. We have so much to learn from our brothers and sisters all over the globe. Not only that, but we have so much to learn in life in general. And sometimes I find that the more I know, the more I have to learn. We have to be lifelong learners.
  • BE DISCERNING. Being a gringa in a latino culture can be hard sometimes. I have been taken advantage of many times, and it has been really hard for me as I try to see the best in people. I have learned that I really have to trust the Lord and ask Him for discernment in some situations.  
  • TIME IS A BEAUTIFUL GIFT. Why in the world do we rush it and our sweet time with others? People here often joke about Dominican time and how people just kind of show up whenever they want. And I will be real with you, this drove me crazy at the beginning. But I have come to appreciate this slower pace, unhurried lifestyle. 
  • SIMPLE LIVING IS FULFILLING. I have never really been a things person. I like food, my fat pants, my journals, and some sentimental letters or pictures. When people come here on missions trips, you often hear them sharing, “Wow the people we met today are just so full of joy, and they don’t have anything!” In fact, I think I may have said this on my first trip here. But the truth is that having a full house or full closet will never bring us joy. Jesus, relationships, and time are the things that will fill us. These are the things that matter most.
  • RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORTH IT. This one is sort of two fold. 
    • These past couple years have been extremely hard for me relationally. I have felt burned by some here and in the states, and it took me so long to root out that bitterness and open myself to love others without expectations again. In fact, I am still working on this. The thing is that God designed us for community. We are to be who He has created us to be whether or not others respond the same. So for me, the Lord made me to love so deeply, and that’s what I am going to do whether others reciprocate it or not.
    • So there have been times at church or in general where I feel almost excluded from other Dominican women. I see them greet each other or chat it up, and I sometimes wonder why they don’t initiate conversation with me as much. Especially for those I have felt I have connected with in the past and then next time I see them it is like they don’t recognize me. I shared this with my husband and a few Dominican friends who said Dominicans are intimidated by Americans. They don’t always know how to strike up a conversation.  And part of this broke my heart because I wish people wouldn’t see me as the gringa but just as a person who is equal to them and wants to run life beside them. And the other part of me wanted to laugh because I am often intimidated by Dominicans and speaking my second language where I often brain fart then am embarrassed. So I have come to learn that we are all humans doing the best we can, all wrestling with our own insecurities or battles…so why not pursue friendship and wrestle together?
  • ONLY JESUS SATISFIES. When I was younger, I always thought, oh yeah when I find my person then everything will be great. And now I have my person, and we both say, “oh yeah when we get this car, or this job, or yada yada…everything will be better.” If we are constantly stuck in this mindset, we will never be fulfilled. We will just always be waiting on the next. Jesus and Jesus alone is the One that meets our every need, every desire, everything. He is our everything. And when our hope is in Him and our minds are set on things above, then we aren’t always striving for the next because we are confident that we are whole and complete in Him.
  • LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. I am the type of person who gets embarrassed really easily. Now transitioning from where you grew up into learning how to be an adult in another country results in a lot of embarrassing moments. For example, I cannot tell you how many times I have butchered words in Spanish and been laughed at. Adjusting to a new culture in general is hard, but then doing so in your second language makes it all the more tricky. In my journey to learning Spanish, I am also learning humility and that I do not have to be perfect or embarrassed. I just have to try. And if I say something totally out of whack, that’s how I will learn. I have to roll with it and laugh it off. 
  • JESUS DID HARD SO I CAN DO HARD. Now I have written about this before, but literally guys this is like my life motto. Growing up, momma Linda always said to me, “we can do hard.” When I was stuck in the U.S. for months without my hubby, I read and clung to God’s Word. Jesus did not have an easy time here on earth. It was quite the opposite actually. He was rejected by many, judged, questioned, tried, and had the most gruesome death that He didn’t deserve. But He never wavered in His faith. He was rooted and trusted the Father’s will. And He is my hero. I want to be like my Jesus. So as I aim to be more like Christ, I am reminded that He remained in the hard and so can I.
  • WE CAN PRODUCE FRUIT EVEN THROUGH THE DRIEST SEASONS. We all experience dry seasons in our faith walk. Being a disciple of Christ does not mean everything will always be fine and dandy. But even in the driest seasons where we feel like we are withering away, beautiful fruit can be produced. When we are staying rooted in Jesus and persevering in the faith, He will use these valley seasons to prune and refine us so we can bear more fruit. But we MUST remain in Him. Apart from Him, we cannot produce fruit. 
  • UNFORGIVENESS=IMPRISONMENT. Think about it, if we let bitterness take root in our hearts, we are held captive to it. Holding onto unforgiveness keeps us from doing life with others and from living wholly like God created us for. 

You guys, I wish that we could just drink some coffee together and sit and linger talking about all the things that God has been teaching us. Maybe someday we will. 

I am so thankful for the truths and lessons that God has been teaching me over the past couple of years. I am eager to see what He continues to teach me for all the years to come.